Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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