If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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