I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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