Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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