After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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