Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
