its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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