I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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