So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize