I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
