We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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