i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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