I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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