wat bout pragnant strippers??
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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