Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize