I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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