if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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