Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
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That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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