i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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