I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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