Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
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I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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