I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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