Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize