I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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