Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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