The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize