I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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