I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize