He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
smell my finger.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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