that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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