dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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