Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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