Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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