and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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