My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i came on her dog
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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