My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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