im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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