So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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