Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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