i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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