..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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