Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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