You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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