someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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