There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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