It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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