If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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