Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
