um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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