the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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